A Blind Sprint

Do more AI no matter what

It’s like the disastrous hookup with the crazy-eyed girl you just met outside the bathroom at the bar. The one where everyone, (everyone) says “don’t do it. It’s a mistake. She’s a disaster.” Do you listen? Negative. Because it’s in our dumb nature to do things that are bad for us. Sure the hookup might have fireworks, but it’s probably going to blow up the whole fucking warehouse. We just don’t listen. That is exactly what we are doing with AI right now. We are running break-neck towards something we all know is a disaster. Each day more and more convinced that AI is going to be our psychotic significant other, who will tear up our lives, upend our world and leave us all wondering what the fuck happened. So I ask why? Why are we doing it?

Not once in my half century on this earth have I seen something that almost everyone hates, be sprinted towards with such mindless abandon. Even the people making it are like, “uhhh yeah, this smells kinda bad. Should we drink it?” AI is shredding creativity, taking a dump on tons of jobs, making exponential amounts of slop to fill our already slop filled feeds, writing shitty songs by the thousands, and making fake videos of historical figures licking each other. It’s teaching students to forget how to learn, rendering the concept of truth meaningless and gobbling up natural resources like a quarter zipped, tech bro, demon spawn PacMan. We’re all about to become blue, squiggle lipped, ghosties fleeing from it, turning us from seekers into hiders.

Why? Why are we just inviting the known vampire into our house? “Hey there handsome, you like O+? What a coincidence, I have blood, come on in and suck me dry.” Why is no one suing anyone? This has to be illegal. I don’t get it. Is it totally cool that Sora is making videos of Messi and Rinaldo dissing each other about their coffee orders. And yeah it’s awesome that you have videos of MLK Jr. rapping like DMX and Gandhi going Gangnam Style. This is so worth it. Those pros totally outweigh the cons. I need more fake country songs written in 3 seconds. I need endless images of cute people who aren’t real and animals jumping into the backseats of cars. I need instant 10 page reports I won’t read and meeting summaries of meetings that didn’t need summarizing. Will someone do something please?

Sure, I’ll get to it right after AI finishes writing my employees’ self evaluations for them and I have fed those into AI to write my review of their performance so those humans have their AI HR files ready for evaluating. Next I’ll have AI make 7,000 versions of a single banner ad to get the AI bots crawling the web to notice it, so AI can let me know which one is the most effective at holding an AI’s attention to drive clicks on the AI created website selling the last product made by a human who got a business plan written for them by AI.

The worst part is that after all the bullshit, AI will probably just do what most work saving tech has always done for us. Made us busier. 150X more shit to do in 1/8th the time. Soon we’ll sift through thousands of pages of crap, at faster and faster speeds as timelines go extinct. Hurry AI, help me find the one thing that matters amongst all this junk. “You bet, glad to help. I can totally make that happen for you.” Sweet! Let’s sprint head first off a cliff singing any number of AI written Christmas songs. We’ll plummet like Wile E. Coyote just missing the Road Runner as highway 66 disappears right out from under our feet.

We can’t stay away from it. Like moths believing that candle is the moon to lead us home, we stalk it. Like biting that cuticle we know is gonna bleed, we won’t leave it be. Like lactose intolerantly eating that slice of cheesecake that will send us right to the toilet, we chow down. What is compelling us? “Oh lord, why have you made us humans addicted to doing dumb shit that hastens our failure?” I think Ned Ludd the mythical leader of the Luddite movement was onto something. That once negative term is starting to sound a lot cooler these days. It’s not anti tech, it’s anti stupidity. Those Luddites were just anti all the billionaires who decided to make machines to take the jobs and creativity from craftspeople. So yeah, smash the machines, hold onto art, don’t let the photo of the fake hottie and the kitty cat with the goofy 70’s sunglasses distract you.

Ned Ludd, lookin’ hot now

The current AI obsession seems like the big, blinking, red button that says, “do not press!” It’s giving black vial, marked with skull & crossbones vibes. Should we drink it just to see what it tastes like? Should we go into the old, abandoned psych hospital? Should we stick our fingers in the electrical outlet? Yes, but let’s lick them first just to make it count.

Whelp, two tears in a bucket, fuck it. Looks like we’re going on a date with that wet-eyed, drunk, Adderall twitching, girl smoking her 7th cigarette in a row, who just hugged then yelled at that stranger in the street for no reason. She seems super cool. Because hey, look at what she can do if you ask her to make a picture of a donkey eating quiche in the style of Salvador Dali. Totally worth it. At least those two nights of sex will be spicy before she rips our world in half.

that sucks